The Reformation of Knives
by Miss SillyGoose Miss anthrope
Summary: Knives...reformed...Enjoy your favorite characters and pairs in lots of humorous and fluffy situations, but mostly Knives, sitting on a porch...a lot. complete.
1. Prologue Wolfwood

Disclaimer. Neither Miss Silly Goose nor Miss Anthrope own Trigun, grateful though they may be for it's existence.

Having said these things, Miss Silly Goose and Miss Anthrope now proudly present:

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The Reformation Of Knives.

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Prologue. "What? Wait! I'm not dead!"

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"Well praise The Lord! I'm alive" exclaimed Wolfwood. Through semi-bleary eyes he

caught sight of a familiar figure's red jacket.

"Huh...uh...Vash! Hey Vash" He mumbled. Vash murmured tragically with a snivel

"Goodbye Wolfwood, my friend."

"What?! Wait!...Stupid...m not...dead." Wolfwood trailed off and fainted from exertion

and loss of blood.

o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o

About two weeks later:

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Vash and Knives perspired violently as they prepared for death with each prime of the

other's gun. Little did they know that they were being observed very closely by...yes...a very alive

Wolfwood...well a slightly alive Wolfwood. He actually had _not _completely recovered from his

near death experience, especially considering the town they had left him in was entirely

unpopulated. "Only by God's grace." Wolfwood said to himself very meaningfully as he took a

drink of water. "Man, it's hot out here."

o

Vash was down , things looked bad. There was a glint to the right. Wolfwood's eyes

widened "Wha'...Oh come on you stupid needle noggin, it's right next to you!" he yelled in

exasperation. Vash looked to his right and smiled. The duel was won. Wolfwood smiled in relief.

Vash threw the form of Knives over his shoulder, and tossed aside his determination, his

goal now accomplished. He looked very pleased and turned to walk away.

o

"What?!" Exclaimed Wolfwood "Hey! Vash! Where're you going?!" Wolfwood watched them

fade into the distance. He began grumbling to himself as he went about digging his cross out of

the sand.

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Okay, prologue's not that great. The rest is much better. I've been editing, which is a little bit of a challenge with spaces

and symbols not staying where you put them. So keep reading and send a nice review if it's in your heart to do so.

Burp aka MissAnthrope or the other way around.


	2. Chapter 1 I'm Not Eating That

Disclaimer. Miss Silly Goose feels it her absolute and undeniable duty to make absolutely clear to the reading audience

that neither she nor Miss Anthrope own Trigun.

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Chapter 1 "I'm not eating that."

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Knives stared in disdain at the bowl of soup offered him by Meryl. Vash looked on hopefully.

"Take away your...food. I do not need to suck the life blood of my brethren like a

vampire to sustain my own existence...Like you _humans_." With that Knives turned up his nose.

Meryl looked furious. Vash took a step back. The soup was applied to Knives' face. His soup-

covered up-turned nose quivered in wrath and a look of fury appeared on his face.

"You!...You...you! How dare...spider...But...Aaaah"

Meryl turned and walked to the nearest wall and began to beat her head upon it very

severely. She gave rise to a number of furious sounds. Knives smiled wickedly.

"Knives! You can't do that to the insurance girl! She'll sue you." Attempted Vash in some

panic.

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Just then there was a knock at the door. Vash moved to answer it. As he opened the door

the newly freed Meryl hurtled herself towards the now distracted Knives and attempted to

strangle him. Vash turned back around.

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"You can't do that to Knives! He's my brother! And he's not fully functional" He ran

over to the still soup covered Knives and attempted to detach him from the extremely dangerous

and fully operational Meryl. He left the door wide open, having been distracted from his task. He

managed with some trouble to separate the two vengeful individuals from death at the hands of

each other.

o

The even now soup-covered Knives looked towards the open doorway. There stood a girl of

medium height with brown hair, rosy cheeks and a few freckles. She suffered from a rather

extreme cowlick that caused her hair to stick out at an odd angle, but she was rather pretty all the

same. She carried a bag of freshly baked doughnuts. Vash looked once more towards the

doorway.

o

"Ahaa! You brought me doughnuts" He cried. "Come to papa my sweet little cakes of

honey" The girl stood watching, stunned for a moment.

"You must be Mr. Svidrigailov then." She said somewhat timidly. "I'm here from Mr. Heaven's House of Doughnuts . . ."

"That's my name! Thanks for bringing me these lovely little pieces of heaven" Vash

simpered. The girl left quickly.

o

Knives was distracted by an emotion. He could not quite place it.

"What is this" He thought to himself. "It's somehow...familiar...I think it was nice...like

butterflies." He was so distracted, that he made no comment when Meryl cleaned his face. And

did not notice when he had eaten half a bowl of soup (and liked it). As he was brought to a more

complete awareness, he realized the extent of his behavior and was appalled. He had to do

something. He couldn't just submit to eating spider food like this (even if it was tasty). So, before

they could offer him another bite, he stated very matter-of-factly "I'm not eating that."


	3. Chapter 2 Knives Discovers the Doughnut

Disclaimer. Miss Anthrope, feeling left out, wishes to inform you that she does not own Trigun, nor would she want too.

Although she likes it a lot, because if she didn't like it she wouldn't waste her time writing silly stories about it with Miss

Silly goose, who consequently does not own Trigun either.

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Chapter 2 Knives discovers the doughnut

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It is one of the ways of life, that when one lives off bad food they do not realize that it is

bad, but as soon as that person has had one bite of good wholesome food the healing begins, and

the appetite is mysteriously and wonderfully improved; And suddenly that person realizes that

they need wholesome food to live, and that although they thought the bad food was fine while they

were eating it, it really wasn't. In all actuality they were wasting away inside from all the junk

they had been filling themselves up with. Now once realizing this, any sensible person must

understand the trauma poor Knives was now suffering from. He had been living on junk (in his

case bad thoughts...and possibly photosynthesis) for some 128 years or more. Consequently by

dinner time that same day, Knives was extremely hungry. In fact, Knives could not remember a

time that he was more hungry then he now felt. His long dormant appetite awakened, he now

pondered two things:

1. How he could manage to eat without loathed assistance.

2. How he could possibly refuse to eat next time he was offered food.

o

While he was pondering these things, the Millie spider entered the room and walked

straight to him, holding in her hands what appeared to be, and in fact was, a bag of doughnuts.

Knives tried with all his might to glare disdainfully in the direction of the food, but in the end it

appeared to be a grimace of pain.

o

"Here Mr. Knives" said the Millie spider, "I brought you some doughnuts, I know they're

Mr. Vash's favorite, so I thought you might like them too."

"Hmphh." said Knives and tried to look away. They really did smell heavenly though, like a

little fluffy batch of honey and everything sweet mixed in the sky and softly drifted down to

earth just for him to eat. Oh! The airy consistency! Oh! The honey gathered from sweet

smelling flowers. They tempted him, saying, "I am so very sweet, and the one thing in the world

that would make me happy is if you would eat me Knives!" His stomach demanded

simultaneously, "if you don't eat this cake, I will be forced to retaliate." How could he possibly

refuse?

o

"Now don't be silly." Broke in the Millie spiders voice, "I know you want to eat it, and

anyway my big brother always said, if you don't eat, you'll starve." It was too much, Knives

knew in his heart of hearts that if he didn't eat the doughnut, he would die. So knives ate the

doughnut, assisted by Millie. It really was heavenly, he felt a tear form in the corner of his right

eye. Millie got up and left suddenly. There were three more doughnuts sitting on the table, a

little to his left.

o

A minute passed, Knives' eyes never left the precious things. They sat there on the table

cooing to him in their sweet honey voices, "please eat us. Oh do! Pretty please!" In desperation

he attempted to bend over them to retrieve them with his mouth. Failed, the angle was too steep.

Another minute passed. "Jump into my mouth!" He demanded desperately. He really knew this

wouldn't work but he had to try. A few more minutes passed. " Where has that spider gotten too"

he thought desperately... "Please jump into my mouth" he thought to the doughnuts a little more

desperately. Alas, they simply would not be persuaded. He felt the threat of a tear.

The Millie spider returned. He felt the threat of a smile, but mastered himself just in

time.

o

"I'm sorry Mr. Knives" said the Millie spider, "The mail came late today. Would you

like another doughnut?" Resignedly Knives replied "yes."

o

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Miss Anthrope here again. Still editing. I would like to make it known to the general reading audience that the silly bit at the beginning belongs to my lovely, but slightly delusional sister, Miss SillyGoose.


	4. Chapter 3 Wolfwood's Still not Dead

Miss Silly Goose and Miss Anthrope do not own Trigun. That they don't.

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Chapter 3 Wolfwood's Still not Dead, He's Actually Kind of Alive.

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Wolfwood let out a cry of joy. "A town! It's about time!" He _literally_ dragged himself

into town using his cross like a very unusual walker. The first person who came near enough was

grabbed by the collar and pulled down to Wolfwood's level.

o

"Excuse me sir," he said, "but could you please tell me where I might find a tall blonde

haired man with a mohawk, a stupid laugh, and an obsession with doughnuts?"

"Sure. Right there." said the man as he pointed to a house not twenty feet from where

Wolfwood stood.

o

" Well Praise the Lord! Thank you sir" he said to the man and released him. He made his

way to the house, and collapsed on the porch, absolutely incapable of dragging himself one single

step more. He pulled out a cigarette and began to smoke.

o

Millie was on her way home from work with a bag full of pudding (individually wrapped cups of it).

She was not looking at her feet, or at the ground, or at anything in that general downward direction. She tripped at the

porch. "Oops!" she exclaimed, then looked down. There on the porch was a rather large and

heavy cross and a man dressed in black, face down and muttering ever so slightly, with a half used

cigarette lying nearby. Millie dropped her pudding and quickly turned the man to face her.

"MR. PRIEST! You're alive!" She exclaimed happily and began to laugh and cry very

joyfully.

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"Huh..." muttered Wolfwood who was just recovering from a faint, "Oh! Hiya there

honey! There, there I missed you too. Hey do you think I could get some water?"

"Uh-huh, of course!" said Millie as she helped Wolfwood inside.

o

Inside Vash was practicing nice things to say to Meryl. He was laying on a couch with

one leg slung over the top and his head very near the floor, staring at the ceiling. Knives was

sitting unobtrusively in his chair in the corner rolling his eyes.

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Vash's soliloquy went thus:

"Meryl, your eyes are like a crystal lake in the summertime, wait, she probably doesn't

even know what a lake is...mmm...your lips are pink like a blushing rose...grrr...no stupid, she'd

laugh at me for that one, and then she'd hit me...sigh"

"How about Meryl you're a lovely girl, how about we go get some dinner." Interjected

Wolfwood.

o

Vash, still staring at the ceiling, said very sadly, "Ah, Wolfwood my old friend, it's

almost like you're still here with me."

Knives snickered.

"That's because I am here you stupid needle noggin" yelled Wolfwood. Vash looked up.

"Wolfwood," he cried with tears streaming down his face, " I'm so glad you're alive!"

He then ran over to Wolfwood and gave him a hug.

Knives rolled his eyes, "oh...I'm so-o-o glad you're alive" he sarcastically muttered.

o

Meryl came into the room

"Mr. Wolfwood! You're alive? How wonderful!" She exclaimed with a smile. Knives

continued to mutter to himself unnoticed. Vash walked up to Meryl

"Meryl?"he said.

"Yeah"

" Your eyes are like...ah man, that's not the right one! Umm...you like dinner because

you're a girl...wait, what am I saying!!" (he said the last part in a scream)

Meryl looked slightly stupefied, Wolfwood smacked himself and muttered quietly,

"needle noggin." Knives snickered. Vash attempted to discover where he had gone wrong.

"Girl...dinner...how about...eyes...mmphmmm...mutter...snivel...etc." Meryl shook her

head,

"Weird," she said and went to check up on dinner. Millie looked concerned.

"Mr. Vash, are you alright? You seem confused." Vash sniveled, tears streamed down

his face.

"I'm so confu-u-sed!"

"Idiot." Stated Knives. Millie patted Vash on the back, as he wept violently.


	5. Chapter 4 Knives Sits on the Porch

Miss Silly Goose feels it her proud duty once more to inform the reading audience that neither

she nor Miss Anthrope own Trigun in any way shape or form. Though she is becoming

exceedingly attached to Knives.

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Knives sits on the porch

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Knives sat in a rocking chair on the front porch. He was alone. Wolfwood had married

himself to Millie immediately upon his arrival, and the two were off to December to visit his

orphans. This had happened some three weeks ago. Vash and Meryl were both working. Vash

had managed to land himself a job at the "Sweet doughnuts" shop, where he was also learning

the value of self control. And so Knives watched the road that passed in front of the porch. Three

spiders had passed it in the last hour.

"Ha! Pathetic creatures!" Thought Knives. A man and a woman passed. "Parasites all of them,"

he thought, "leeching the blood of my brothers and sisters...inferior creatures...not worthy to

share the land...sigh..." As may be conjectured, Knives had spent many days in the recent past in

this fashion and was beginning to bore of his own antics. Indeed, one can only sit on a porch

inwardly insulting everyone who passes by for so long. He began to twiddle his fingers (He was

just beginning to regain the use of his hands and arms). Vash had left him a book.

"Hmph! Parasytic literature." Knives thought to himself. He began to read it.

"'My poor flowers are quite

dead', said little Ida, 'they were

so pretty yesterday evening,

and now all the leaves are hanging

down quite withered.

What do they do that for?'"

"Hmm", thought Knives. "This isn't too revolting...yet." He continued to read.

"'Have you not seen those beautiful

red, white and yellow butterflies

that look like flowers? They were

flowers once. They have flown off their

stalks into the air, and flap

their leaves as if they were little

wings to make them fly. If they behave well,

(Vash had underlined this part several times)

they obtain permission to fly about

during the day, instead of being obliged

to sit still on their stems at home."

Knives looked up, he was being regarded. He recognized the spider who had brought the

doughnuts a few weeks back. She was dressed in a simple blue dress. Knives could see her better

this time, that is, without soup impeding his vision. He could see she had rosy cheeks

and a light smattering of freckles. Her hair was brown and stuck out at an

odd angle at the back, due to a rather extreme cowlick. She smiled at him, a wide ear to ear type

of smile, and continued on her way. Knives thought she looked just like a flower. Suddenly he

realized what he was thinking. "Oh, no! What am I thinking! I must be losing my mind! It must

be this silly insiped little book I'm reading." With that thought he tossed the book aside and

resumed his former occupation, that is glaring and thinking up insults for each person who

passed. Over the course of the next three hours no one passed. Knives sighed. He wished he

hadn't thrown the book.

P.S. Story excerpt taken from "Little Ida's flowers" by Hans Christian Anderson


	6. Chapter 5 Knives Sits on the Porch Again

Miss Anthrope and Miss Silly Goose must crave the indulgence of the reader, as once again we

make it clear that we do not own Trigun.

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Knives sits on the porch...again

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The next day, Knives was again sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. He had decided that he

was going to rid himself once and for all of the confusing female spider today. He wore such a

wicked grin this morning that Vash was worried and very nearly stayed home from work. But

Knives attempted to master a docile look, and began to pretend to read his book. Thus reassured,

Vash decided to go to the doughnut shop after all.

o

Knives sat in his rocking chair in glee for the first three hours of the morning, pondering how to destroy

the enemy. He grew bored of this rather quickly though, for there are only so many ways to kill a person, especially when

one is weaponless and immobile. Still he struggled valiantly onward, and attempted another hour of

plotting. He eventually decided to force her to jump to her death in the town well, as this would

possibly contaminate the town water supply, and quickly kill off the other townspeople.(Of

course this would probably kill him off as well, but he didn't really think about that.) He laughed

very evil like. Now that he was decided, he just had to wait.

o

A few hours later he found himself very bored indeed. He ate some sandwiches that the Meryl

spider had left him. As the minutes dragged on , Knives was becoming desperately bored.

Kuroneko walked up to him and began weaving around his immobile legs, making very cute

little meow sounds. Normally Knives would have just kicked it away, but alas, he could not. He

glared very hard at the cat, it didn't care. He tried using his mind powers, but the cat seemed to

be immune to them. Knives growled, "Go away!" It jumped in his lap. He tried to push it off, but it had

decided to stay and, in order to prove this, dug it's claws into his legs. "Aah! Get off me you

stupid creature!" Knives yelled in a fury. He tried to pick it up and throw it, but his arms were

still very weak and not completely healed, so he could not manage it. Poor Knives, he nearly

cried. But instead he fell asleep.

o

Knives woke up, and the cat was still there. He moaned. He pondered trying to push it off

again, as it was apparently sleeping. It opened one eye and leveled a warning me-ow. Knives

quickly abandoned the notion. His stomach grumbled. "When is that idiot brother of mine

getting back," he thought. "I'm hungry." He suddenly remembered his plan and smiled

wickedly. A man walked by. Twenty more minutes passed. He was ready, ready! He waited.

Then something odd happened. The object of his search walked into sight, and it seemed like a

cloud suddenly came to rest in front of his eyes. "Wha...oh no!" He thought, "something's wrong

with my eyes!" He blinked. The cloud was kind of shimmery around her. The plan fluttered right

out of his mind, and he unwittingly smiled ever so slightly. She stared at the ground as she

walked by, and looked unhappy. Knives snapped out of his trance "How dare she look unhappy,

when I'm looking at her!" He thought indignantly.

o

"Hey you!" He yelled. The girl started and looked up. "Why do you look sad? You have no right

to be unhappy. I have decided to spare your life." He said all of this very matter-of-factly. She

looked confusedly at him.

o

"...Thank you...sir." She said, made a slight bow, and then proceeded to continue on her way.

Perhaps not so sadly as before. Knives watched her pass with a satisfied expression on his face.


	7. Chapter 6 Knives Starts a Garden

We do not own Trigun. Not at all. Not even one bit. Nope.

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Knives starts a garden

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The days passed on, and eventually Knives began to heal. As soon as he could really use his arms, he asked to be

allowed to begin working the dry ground around the house. At first he had to submit to being carried to whichever place

he desired, which he despised, but after a few more weeks, he could hobble a few feet with the aid of a crutch. Now

Knives worked the ground not only because he was bored, but because he liked to do it. This

new occupation was very good for Knives, for as much as anyone may like to deny it, work is good for the body, mind,

and even the heart. Considering these things, Knives was probably better off now then he had ever been in his life.

o

Let us consider the improvements:

Firstly, knives was surrounded by people who wanted him well (which is the surest way to get a person well by the way).

Second his appetite was improving and supplemented with plenty of good nutritious food (Which is also very important,

for half of bad temper and spleen come from low blood sugar).

And thirdly, he was now working, which as I have just now explained is good for the mind and body.

o

For poor Knives, desperately though he tried to cling to his old evil ways, there wasn't much chance of him doing so.

But to get back to the story, after a few more weeks, Knives began to watch

little green buds coming out of the ground. He was able to smile proudly when the Meryl spider stopped and smiled, and

wondered aloud over how it was possible that something could actually grow there. He didn't even feel the urge to sneer.

As more time passed, Knives little square of sand turned into a full blown garden. Buds began to appear, and soon they

opened into flowers. People began to stop and look at the flowers as they passed the house, and Knives would snicker to

himself when he thought of his genius in tormenting the spiders.

o

"How do you make them grow? They're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." The voice came from behind Knives as

he sat watching a clump of daisies. Now the old Knives would simply have stated that it was impossible for a parasitic life

sucking organism to make something grow. But he didn't. Somehow the Spider's love of his flowers caught him off guard.

o

"I don't make them grow, they do that themselves. They just need help." Came his unexpected reply. So unexpected in

fact that Knives nearly jumped and thought to himself, "was that me? Or has Vash managed to usurp my brain?" He made

a furtive glance for his brother. He was horrified for a moment and might have done something rash but that the voice

began again:

"I have some, and I try to help them grow, I water them and protect them, and do everything I can to help, but they just

barely survive."

For some reason, to his very great astonishment, Knives decided to help the creature. He reassured

himself by telling himself it was for the flowers, and not the spider. So he grabbed his crutch and demanded "Help me up."

As he was helped to his feet he finally turned to the speaker, and recognized the pretty brown haired female that he had

plotted to destroy. "You, I remember you," he stated matter of factly, "Help me walk." And so they made their way to

meet her flowers.

o

When Vash got home, Knives wasn't there. He went inside. Knives wasn't there either. "Knives!" Yelled Vash in the

house. "Knives!" Yelled Vash a little more frantically outside the house. "Knives! Knives where are you?!" He yelled near

insanity all around the surrounding area. "Oh no! This is bad...what am I gonna tell Meryl! What am I gonna do! Ma-a-a-

ma-a-a-n!" Vash sat down on the porch in complete panic. Meryl walked up "What's wrong with you?" Vash jumped

up, "MEERRYLL! Knives is gone! What am I gonna do, He could be hurt! He could be laying dead in the desert! He

could have stepped in a hole! He could be kidnapped!" Meryl's eye twitched, "you idiot, he's probably just out back."

"But Meryl!" Whimpered Vash, "He's not THERE!" "Don't worry," said Meryl "I'm sure he's fine, Knives can take care

of himself." "No he ca-a-an't!" Protested Vash "he needs someone to feed him, and love him, and give him nourishing

literature!"

o

While Vash was still whimpering, Knives hobbled up with the aid of the Rose spider (Rose by the way is the

name belonging to the brown haired female that Knives plotted to destroy) and his crutch.

"KNIVES! You're alive! I'm so glad! Happy day!" At that Vash rushed up to Knives and gave him a big hug, and nearly

succeeded in knocking him over. "Idiot! Of course I'm alive!" Said Knives rather angrily. "I'm sorry Knives, I'm just so

relieved!" Replied Vash, still in tears. Meryl put her hand on her face and sighed, she turned and walked inside to make

dinner. Vash turned (still in tears) to Rose. "Thankyou! Thankyou so much for bringing my brother back to me!" Knives

rolled his eyes and hobbled into the house. Rose smiled kindly and patted Vash on the shoulder in a conciliatory manner,

then turned and walked home. Vash walked into the house. "Oh Knives! I'm so happy for you! You've found a lady

friend!" Knives growled and hobbled to his corner where he sat down and glared at the wall until Vash apologized and

Meryl said dinner was ready.


	8. Chapter 7 The Cute Thing

The cute thing

Knives sat on the porch again. The day was still new, and he could hear Vash and Meryl chatting inside. He rolled his eyes at the thought, and let his head droop in boredom. Knives was jolted from his reverie by the thud of footsteps on the porch. He looked up irritably.

"Oh hello Mr. Knives! You look so much better!" The big spider girl spoke to him in the most sickeningly bright and cheerful tone. Knives looked up in annoyance at his former employee who accompanied said female.

"Mr. Knives would you like to hold Nicky?"

Knives looked up at the girl confused, and noticing for the first time the strange moving thing in her arms. Before he could protest she shoved the baby at him and wrapped his arms around it so that it was secure. At that moment the front door opened and Vash and Meryl walked out. Greetings were passed all around and Meryl invited everyone inside.

"Nicky really likes you Mr. Knives, why don't you hold him a little longer, and I'll be right back ok!" Milly smiled and turned around, but Vash cut in nervously.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea…"

He was cut off mid sentence as Wolfwood broke in.

"Don't worry so much he'll be fine." He walked over to Knives and slapped him on the back, "Won't he Knives?"

Knives glared in response, but the priest turned and walked away with a laugh, he paused in the doorway to turn and give Knives a meaningful look. Knives shuddered a little, then it was quiet, and he was alone, with the thing.

The miniature spider regarded Knives with big blue eyes, Knives regarded it in return. The thing wiggled its arms and legs. Knives frowned. The thing flailed its hands and hit Knives in the arm. Then it squealed. Knives nearly dropped it the noise was so sudden. It squealed again as its face broke into a huge drooly grin and it flailed even more vigorously. Knives attempted to calm it down by restraining the flailing limbs, but the thing took the oportunity to bite his hand, luckily it did not seem to have any teeth. Knives was slightly disgusted by the trail of saliva that stretched from the things smiling mouth to his hand when he pulled it free.

Then things got really frightening. The thing opened its mouth and said "ooo." It was such a simple little noise really, but something about it made Knives frightened. He felt he was very dangerously close to considering it cute at that moment. It must have read his thoughts because it flailed once more, then screwed up its face and said, "Gooo…aaa..ooo." It smiled and squealed pleased with the progress, and Knives felt his innards give a pleasant twist. 'NO!' He thought desperately, 'I cannot let it infect me.' He turned his head so as to stare at a building across the street. 'If I don't look at it, it cannot affect me.'

"Gooo…bwwwwththth!"

'Not working' Knives thought desperately casting around for something to aid him. It squealed again. The sweat began to form on Knives brow as he battled against the endearing cuteness of the thing. 'That's it!" He thought and promptly leaned over and stuffed the baby under his chair. 'much better.' He thought inwardly congratulating himself. That was when his idiot brother appeared.

"Hey Knives…Aaack! Where's the baby?!"

"I don't know what you are talking about." Knives calmly responded.

Vash spotted it when it squealed. "Knives! You can't do that to a baby!"

Just then Milly walked out. Vash yelped and stood in front of the chair trying to hide the baby.

"Oh look!" she exclaimed, "How cute! Mr. Knives is playing hide and seek with Nicky!" She reached down and picked up the cooing baby, turned and walked inside.


	9. Chapter 8 The Proposal

Miss Anthrope is feeling slightly put out with Miss Silly Goose for always being the first name on the screen and demands

that it is her turn to inform you all that neither she nor Miss Silly Goose own Trigun. Miss Anthrope would care to tell you

no such thing. Miss Silly Goose is getting carried away again. Miss Anthrope couldn't care less about whose name

appears first on a disclaimer to a silly story.

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The Proposal

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Vash and Knives were sitting alone in the main room of the house. "I want Meryl to marry me, but none of my pick up

lines seem to work! What am I doing wrong?! What should I do Knives!" Knives raised an eyebrow.

"Is that all you can do at a time like this?!" Begged Vash in near hysterics.

"You know," began Knives, "In the parasite world, female spiders eat the males when they're done with them."

"What kind of line is that! She'd never marry me after that. How about this,"

said Vash as he assumed a beautiful pose, "Dearest Meryl, it's not good to be alone. Life is meant to be shared, and,

I would be the happiest man alive (he paused here to shed a tear) if you would share yours with me." Knives brandished

his crutch and got up to leave the room. "Hey where are you going?!" Demanded Vash. "You're my brother, you're

supposed to help me at times like this!" "Oh, excuse me," said Knives, "I was just going to vomit." "Knives!" Exclaimed

Vash, "How can you joke at a time like this!" "Who's joking." Replied Knives.

o

Meryl walked into the room. Vash fainted.

Knives began to laugh very loud with real mirth, and wandered out of the room near hysterics. Meryl was confused, she

walked over to Vash to make sure he was alright.

"Meryl...Meryl." Said the slowly awakening Vash very feebly, "Is that you? Am I in heaven?"

"What are you talking about, you fainted", said Meryl.

"Huh? Really?! Ha! Ha! Ha! Well before that

Knives and I were just talking about, well, we were, Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA!" Meryl looked confused.

"Well...that's nice," she kindly inserted.

"NO! THAT'S NOT IT! I have to tell you something!...How did it go...Oh Yeah! It's not

good to be alone Meryl..." Vash paused

"Uh-huh..." Said Meryl still confused.

Vash continued, "Life should be shared...MARRY ME MERYL!...Please!"

Meryl stood stunned for a moment. Vash looked like he was about to collapse in desperation, and chewed his fingers as

he watched her.

"Are you serious?" Meryl finally asked.

"YES! I mean, I wouldn't joke about something like that, that would be pretty heartless." Meryl pondered for a moment,

"Well then, my answer is yes." She said with a smile. "ALRIGHT!" Cried Vash, and ran up to Knives who had just re-

entered the room.

o

"You hear that Knives! I'm getting married! Woo-hoo!" Knives turned and hobbled back out of the room without a word.


	10. Chapter 9 The Proclamati A Man of Many

We do not own Trigun. Trigun we do not own. Oh no. We don't. So sorry. We don't own it.

o

o

Chapter 9 A Proclamation at the Dinner Table/ A Man of Hidden Talents.

o

A few nights later ,Vash and Meryl and Millie and Wolfwood and Nick Jr and Knives were all sitting at the dinner

table, eating dinner.

o

"Wow! That's some tasty green bean casserole, don't you think so Knives!" Said Vash. Knives made no response.

"Wow! Look what a healthy appetite he has now!" Commented Millie with a smile.

"Isn't it wonderful," Said Vash with tears in his eyes, "to see my brother so healthy, and becoming a reformed member of

society!"

Knives raised an eyebrow, but continued to eat. There was silence for a moment. Knives finished eating.

"I'm singing at your wedding." He said very matter-of-factly. Meryl choked on her food and had a coughing fit.

Wolfwood dropped his fork.

"Oh, I didn't know you sang Mr. Knives." Said Millie. Vash got a kind look on his face and said,

"wow Knives, that's really nice of you."

"Yes, I know." Said Knives with an annoyed sort of expression.

There was a moments pause while Knives looked very troubled, then he inserted

"but that's not why I'm doing it. It just so happens that being a superior being, I have a superior voice, and simply wish to

pose as an example to the...inferiors."

Knives looked quite content now. "Well..." said Vash, "I guess that's...nice too...or not...but I'm glad you're singing for

us anyway!"


	11. Chapter 10 The Wedding

Neither Miss Silly Goose nor Miss Anthrope own Trigun. They simply do not.

o

o

The Wedding

o

The day of the wedding came. Wolfwood and Knives were helping Vash to dress. Actually Knives was sitting in a corner.

"This is the happiest day of my life!" Said Vash with tears streaming down his face. "I'm so glad you're both here to share

it with me!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You've got ten minutes." Said Wolfwood, walking off. (He was the preacher, of

course.)

o

Knives played with his bow-tie in some fascination. It was red with stripes.

"So what is the purpose of this contraption again?" Asked Knives.

"Why, to attract the ladies and be handsome of course!" Replied Vash.

"I'm attractive enough without this device, why do I have to wear it?" Asked Knives.

"Because I want you to! Please wear it for me Knives!"

Knives grunted. He didn't look particularly pleased, but he made no move to remove the tie.

o

"We are gathered here in the sight of God and all these witnessess..." Began Wolfwood. Vash looked like he might break

down and cry at any moment, Meryl looked much more composed, though very happy.

"And who gives this woman to this man..." Continued Wolfwood.

"OH!" thought Knives, "so this ceremony means that Vash gains possession of the female...that doesn't sound so bad."

The wedding proceeded in the usual fashion, and somewhere near the end Knives

sang his song:

'There is a time for love,

for sadness, anger and grief,

but we won't let it get us down.

We'll just keep on truckin'

Truckin', truckin', truckiiinnn,

we'll just keep on truckin''

o

Afterwards the entire town (as it was a small town), was at the saloon celebrating. There were general sounds of joy and

well wishes. Amidst all this Knives sat on a stool and pondered to himself.

"So, I could own one of these female creatures, and it would take care of me so I wouldn't have to...That's acceptable I

suppose, and proper as I am the superior...Perhaps I might eventually get one of those miniature spiders...I suppose they

are rather cute in a parasytic sort of way...They may turn out to be usefull. Hmmm...I suppose I will have to keep it for life

if I marry one, and feed it, and make sure it stays well so it can serve me. All things considered though, it seems a decent

sort of arrangement."

At this conclusion of his thoughts Knives began to scan the room. There were females enough, though he didn't really care

to own any of them.

Then his eyes came to rest on the Rose spider. She was sitting at a table with another female drinking

water. She wore one of her wide ear to ear smiles. Now Knives liked her smiles a great deal, though he would never

admit to it. In all actuality he simply liked the Rose spider a great deal, but he eased his mind on that point by dwelling on

the plain water she was drinking, and thinking about how it was proper plant food. Yes, it would have to be the Rose

spider.

o

Resolved, Knives walked directly up to Rose. Completely ignoring her companion, he stated

"I've decided to bestow on you the great privilege of being my wife."

Rose was stunned for a moment, but she recovered quickly and her reply

came "Thank you...I would be delighted."


	12. Chapter 11 Spider Sitting

As this is the last and well favored chapter of the story of the reformation of Knives, Miss Anthrope and Miss Silly Goose

wish to say a few words, so here they are...ahem...We do not own Trigun. Thank you.

o

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Spider sitting

o

In the middle of a park covered in lush green grass and rows of trees, cherry and birch, apple and pine, with

Roses and wildflowers springing up all over, there was a small field. Perhaps not so much a field, as a nice big patch of

grass under the wide blue sky. Just big enough for a picnic, or a game of kickball, not more.

In this field sat Knives. He was watching the young "spiders" play. He smiled as a crowd of about 29 children descended

on him all at once.

A chorus of 24 "Uncle Knives", hit him all at once like bullets. He recalled that the physical sensation of pain could be

caused by sound.

"Daddy" Shrilled five little female voice a few seconds later. Knives smiled thinking to himself proudly

how obviously superior his little girls were to the four spawn of his brother and the 20-some (No one was really sure

how many) Orphans and offspring (the offspring and orphans were indistinguishable from one another) of Wolfwood and

Millie.

As you may have conjectured by now, Knives was babysitter for the day and it was lunchtime.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"DADDY" Scolded Petunia, his oldest at the age of six, stomping her foot on the ground

"You know very well it is two minutes past lunch! And Uncle Vash's spawn look like they're gonna faint! Like they did l

ast time. Especially Val"

Val, short for Valiant, was Vash's only boy, he had three sisters.

o

Knives got up and began to hand out 29 peanut butter-and-jelly sandwhiches. He had one too. As he ate his he couldn't

help but think that no one could make a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwhich quite as well as his Rose spider.

o

Tad (one of the Wolfwood flock) threw a piece of sandwhich at Val. Val looked like he was about to cry.

"That wasn't very nice." He whimpered. "You shouldn't throw stuff at people Tad! It might hurt their feelings"

Tad made as if to throw another piece, and ended up instead smashing it into his own face.

"Hey Uncle Knives" He exclaimed. "That's no fair! Make Val do it too" Val smashed his sandwhich on his face.

"Ha! Ha" Laughed Tad. Val began to cry.

"That wasn't very nice Uncle Knives" He whimpered.

"Perhaps not." Replied Knives, offering no apology.

o

For dessert there were graham crackers. Gill broke his (Gill was another of the Wolfwood clan). It crumpled pitifully, he

began to whimper.

"You can have mine" said Heather (one of Knives' girls). She took Gills crumpled cracker and

pounded it into dust, then began to lick it out of her hand.

Knives watched and considered

"Maybe not so superior after all...ah well." Knives smiled.

o

The End

o

o

Voila! C'est Finis! Bon Merci a tout de Vous!


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